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Stuck in the Middle
by Dr. Ron Brown
Oct 7 2008
Oct 7 2008
What to do when a potential mentor doesn't get along with your boss.
A powerful woman in my company has indicated to me that she'd like to be my mentor, which is obviously great. Problem is, she doesn't get along well with my boss and my boss's boss, and if I agree to be her protégé, I might alienate them. What should I do?
You need to figure out how much juice this potential mentor has at your company relative to your boss and boss's boss, and choose sides accordingly. That means doing some research on this person and evaluating how other protégés of hers have fared at your company, as well as the particular role this potential mentor plays in your office and industry, and how valuable it is. In addition, you should talk (discreetly, of course) to as many people as you can in the company—other people she's mentored, people who have worked for her and with her, etc.—to find out how strong she is and how good an ally she'd be.
If you decide to align with her, you need to figure out what to do if your current situation gets difficult once it becomes known that you've allied with her. I once had a client in a similar situation who chose to tie up with a new mentor. Things became sticky when her boss realized what she had done, and my client met with her new mentor to figure out a solution. The mentor maneuvered to get my client onto a high-profile task force on which other, more powerful people within the company served, and her successful work there gave her leverage with people who had more influence than her boss. Eventually my client was promoted, and she's now running a fairly large staff in a position at the forefront of her company's future strategy.
Turning down a potential mentor obviously has some risks as well, though. I'd recommend a straightforward approach, telling her that there's simply some goals you have at the company that don't fit with her being your mentor. You could try to play both sides and maintain your relationships with both your boss and this mentor, but eventually there would come a pinch when you're asked to do something by one of them that's at odds with the other. And to my mind, it's better to deal with that tension sooner rather than later, when the anger or disappointment might be greater.
Dr. Ron Brown is a leading expert in the fields of leadership development and organizational change. He is the founder and president of Banks Brown, a management consulting firm that specializes in providing skills to optimize the performance of leaders and organizations. He can be reached at rbrown@banksbrown.com or 415-788-5444. Questions for Power Plays can be submitted on this page.
You need to figure out how much juice this potential mentor has at your company relative to your boss and boss's boss, and choose sides accordingly. That means doing some research on this person and evaluating how other protégés of hers have fared at your company, as well as the particular role this potential mentor plays in your office and industry, and how valuable it is. In addition, you should talk (discreetly, of course) to as many people as you can in the company—other people she's mentored, people who have worked for her and with her, etc.—to find out how strong she is and how good an ally she'd be.
If you decide to align with her, you need to figure out what to do if your current situation gets difficult once it becomes known that you've allied with her. I once had a client in a similar situation who chose to tie up with a new mentor. Things became sticky when her boss realized what she had done, and my client met with her new mentor to figure out a solution. The mentor maneuvered to get my client onto a high-profile task force on which other, more powerful people within the company served, and her successful work there gave her leverage with people who had more influence than her boss. Eventually my client was promoted, and she's now running a fairly large staff in a position at the forefront of her company's future strategy.
Turning down a potential mentor obviously has some risks as well, though. I'd recommend a straightforward approach, telling her that there's simply some goals you have at the company that don't fit with her being your mentor. You could try to play both sides and maintain your relationships with both your boss and this mentor, but eventually there would come a pinch when you're asked to do something by one of them that's at odds with the other. And to my mind, it's better to deal with that tension sooner rather than later, when the anger or disappointment might be greater.
Dr. Ron Brown is a leading expert in the fields of leadership development and organizational change. He is the founder and president of Banks Brown, a management consulting firm that specializes in providing skills to optimize the performance of leaders and organizations. He can be reached at rbrown@banksbrown.com or 415-788-5444. Questions for Power Plays can be submitted on this page.
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